things my mom taught me :D

> this is cute
>
>
> THINGS ONLY A MOM CAN TEACH
>
>
> My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION :
> "Just wait until your father gets home."
>
>
> My Mother taught me about RECEIVING :
> "You are going to get it when we get home!"
> My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE :
> "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk
> back to me!"
>
> My Mother taught me LOGIC :
> "Because I said so, that's why." &
> "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going
> to the store with me."
>
> My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE :
> "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
> way."
>
> My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD :
> "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
>
> My Mother taught me ESP :
> "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
>
>
> My Mother taught me HUMOR :
> "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
>
> My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT:
> "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
>
> My Mother taught me about GENETICS :
> "You're just like your father."
>
> My Mother taught me about my ROOTS :
> "Do you think you were born in a barn?"
>
> My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE :
> "When you get to be my age, you will understand."
>
> My Mother taught me about JUSTICE :
> "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.
> Then you'll see what it's like."
>
> My mother taught me RELIGION :
> "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
>
> My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL :
> "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle
> of next week!"
>
> My mother taught me FORESIGHT :
> "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
>
> My mother taught me IRONY :
> "Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about."
>
> My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS :
> "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
>
>
> My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM :
> "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
>
> My mother taught me about STAMINA :
> "You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."
>
> My mother taught me about WEATHER :
> "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
>
> My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled
> because
> I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"
>
> My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY :
> "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times: Don't
> Exaggerate!!!"
>
> My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE :
> "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
>
> My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION:
> "Stop acting like your father!"
>
> My mother taught me about ENVY :
> "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
> don't have wonderful parents like you do!"