I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars
thing. I Have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't
feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big,big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried
on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which
one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new
shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each
outfit."
We went on to the jewelery department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she
was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't
even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She
was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is
all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
"WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to
satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,"Why
can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that
bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
a very interesting paper
The Male Brain, Explained
By Laura Schaefer
Women have puzzled over it for years-why the heck do men do the things
they do? Why do they profess their love for you one minute, then ignore
you the next (say, when an Attila the Hun special turns up on TV)? Why
can they not remember our birthdays? Let science explain some of these
conundrums-and help you rev up your relationships!
Be patient with his memory
The hippocampus, where initial memories are formed, occupies a smaller
percent of the male brain than the female brain. If on your first date
he can't remember where you work, even though you told him all about it
when you met, just remember that size matters ... hippocampus size, that
is. Don't take it personally. (Oh, and don't be surprised when, months
down the line, he has no clue you've just changed your hair.)
Don't expect him to get hints
Have a crush on him? You may have to put it out there, because men
aren't as skilled at women at reading subtle emotional cues. As Dr.
Larry Cahill of the University of California at Irvine puts it, "We have
been assuming that the ways in which emotions are organized in the brain
are essentially similar in men and women," but they aren't. Parts of the
limbic cortex, which is involved in emotional responses, are smaller in
men than in women. Additionally, scientists at McMaster University have
found that guys have a smaller density of neurons in areas of the
temporal lobe that deal with language processing. That's why it's
probably a good idea to tell him straight-up how you're feeling ("I'm
kind of hurt that you forgot I hate sushi"). Expecting him to infer from
your hints could leave both of you scratching your heads.
Don't take conversation lulls personally
Fact is, guys in general just aren't as verbally adept as women are.
Large parts of the cortex - the brain's outer layer that does a big part
of recognizing and using subtle language cues - are thinner in men than
they are in women. A study led by Dr. Godfrey Pearlson of Johns Hopkins
University has shown that two areas in the frontal and temporal lobes
that play an important role in language processing are significantly
smaller in men. Using MRIs, the Johns Hopkins scientists measured gray
matter volumes in several brain regions in 17 females and 43 males.
Women had 23 percent more volume than men in the dorsolateral prefrontal
cortex and 13 percent more volume than men in the superior temporal
cortex. "Women," explains Dr. Cahill, "excel in being able to come up
with appropriate words, given cues." Men - not so much. Don't expect him
to chatter with you on dates with the skill of a girlfriend, and don't
assume he's not interested in you if he occasionally lets the
conversation lapse. Think of it this way: He's simply basking in moments
of quiet companionship.
Appreciate his naturally upbeat nature
Does he seem to be "up" most of the time? It's not your imagination:
Male brains produce 52 percent more serotonin (the chemical that
influences mood) than female brains, according to a study done at McGill
University. And studies show that fewer men than women suffer from
depression. Guys may also have an easier time rolling with life's big
stresses. If he tells you he recently lost his golden lab or suffered a
job loss and doesn't get all teary, it doesn't mean he's heartless;
rather, he has healthy stores of serotonin.
Don't expect his take on your relationship history to match yours
He may be incapable of seeing your shared past the way you do. Brain
images have started to show that men and women use their brains in
vastly different ways. For example, women use the left part of the
amygdala - the part of the brain that creates emotional reactions to
events - to put memories in order by emotional strength, meaning that
something emotionally important to them (like a great first date a
couple of months ago) will be ordered in front of what they ate for
breakfast yesterday. Men, however, use the right part of the amygdala to
put memories in order. Traditionally, the right hemisphere of the brain
is associated with the central action of an event, while the left
hemisphere is associated with finer details. Translation: You'll both
remember your first date, but he might not remember the color of your
sweater or the light rain that was falling that night. It doesn't mean
he was checked out; it just means he's a guy.
Remember his brain is his largest sex organ
In males of several species including humans, the preoptic area of the
hypothalamus is greater in volume, in cross-sectional area and in the
number of cells. In men, this area is more than two times larger than in
women, and it contains twice as many cells. And what, say you, does this
have to do with the horizontal mambo? Plenty. This area of the
hypothalamus is in charge of mating behavior.
This small structure connects to the pituitary gland, which releases sex
hormones. So if your bf wants to get intimate all the time and you feel
like Ms. Low Desire, remember: You're just experiencing normal,
brain-based differences.
Laura Schaefer is the author of Man with Farm Seeks Woman with Tractor:
The Best and Worst Personal Ads of All Time. For the other side of this
story, read The Female Brain, Explained.
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationshi...p-documentid=8
By Laura Schaefer
Women have puzzled over it for years-why the heck do men do the things
they do? Why do they profess their love for you one minute, then ignore
you the next (say, when an Attila the Hun special turns up on TV)? Why
can they not remember our birthdays? Let science explain some of these
conundrums-and help you rev up your relationships!
Be patient with his memory
The hippocampus, where initial memories are formed, occupies a smaller
percent of the male brain than the female brain. If on your first date
he can't remember where you work, even though you told him all about it
when you met, just remember that size matters ... hippocampus size, that
is. Don't take it personally. (Oh, and don't be surprised when, months
down the line, he has no clue you've just changed your hair.)
Don't expect him to get hints
Have a crush on him? You may have to put it out there, because men
aren't as skilled at women at reading subtle emotional cues. As Dr.
Larry Cahill of the University of California at Irvine puts it, "We have
been assuming that the ways in which emotions are organized in the brain
are essentially similar in men and women," but they aren't. Parts of the
limbic cortex, which is involved in emotional responses, are smaller in
men than in women. Additionally, scientists at McMaster University have
found that guys have a smaller density of neurons in areas of the
temporal lobe that deal with language processing. That's why it's
probably a good idea to tell him straight-up how you're feeling ("I'm
kind of hurt that you forgot I hate sushi"). Expecting him to infer from
your hints could leave both of you scratching your heads.
Don't take conversation lulls personally
Fact is, guys in general just aren't as verbally adept as women are.
Large parts of the cortex - the brain's outer layer that does a big part
of recognizing and using subtle language cues - are thinner in men than
they are in women. A study led by Dr. Godfrey Pearlson of Johns Hopkins
University has shown that two areas in the frontal and temporal lobes
that play an important role in language processing are significantly
smaller in men. Using MRIs, the Johns Hopkins scientists measured gray
matter volumes in several brain regions in 17 females and 43 males.
Women had 23 percent more volume than men in the dorsolateral prefrontal
cortex and 13 percent more volume than men in the superior temporal
cortex. "Women," explains Dr. Cahill, "excel in being able to come up
with appropriate words, given cues." Men - not so much. Don't expect him
to chatter with you on dates with the skill of a girlfriend, and don't
assume he's not interested in you if he occasionally lets the
conversation lapse. Think of it this way: He's simply basking in moments
of quiet companionship.
Appreciate his naturally upbeat nature
Does he seem to be "up" most of the time? It's not your imagination:
Male brains produce 52 percent more serotonin (the chemical that
influences mood) than female brains, according to a study done at McGill
University. And studies show that fewer men than women suffer from
depression. Guys may also have an easier time rolling with life's big
stresses. If he tells you he recently lost his golden lab or suffered a
job loss and doesn't get all teary, it doesn't mean he's heartless;
rather, he has healthy stores of serotonin.
Don't expect his take on your relationship history to match yours
He may be incapable of seeing your shared past the way you do. Brain
images have started to show that men and women use their brains in
vastly different ways. For example, women use the left part of the
amygdala - the part of the brain that creates emotional reactions to
events - to put memories in order by emotional strength, meaning that
something emotionally important to them (like a great first date a
couple of months ago) will be ordered in front of what they ate for
breakfast yesterday. Men, however, use the right part of the amygdala to
put memories in order. Traditionally, the right hemisphere of the brain
is associated with the central action of an event, while the left
hemisphere is associated with finer details. Translation: You'll both
remember your first date, but he might not remember the color of your
sweater or the light rain that was falling that night. It doesn't mean
he was checked out; it just means he's a guy.
Remember his brain is his largest sex organ
In males of several species including humans, the preoptic area of the
hypothalamus is greater in volume, in cross-sectional area and in the
number of cells. In men, this area is more than two times larger than in
women, and it contains twice as many cells. And what, say you, does this
have to do with the horizontal mambo? Plenty. This area of the
hypothalamus is in charge of mating behavior.
This small structure connects to the pituitary gland, which releases sex
hormones. So if your bf wants to get intimate all the time and you feel
like Ms. Low Desire, remember: You're just experiencing normal,
brain-based differences.
Laura Schaefer is the author of Man with Farm Seeks Woman with Tractor:
The Best and Worst Personal Ads of All Time. For the other side of this
story, read The Female Brain, Explained.
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationshi...p-documentid=8
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Guys dun get hints, no matter how direct. Gals please learn this & dun HINT! Say it directly!
The wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband:
Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband...
'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!' she said.
'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!'
Happy and excited she was counting down the days to her birthday.
And on the day she finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought....
A blue coloured weighing machine...
The poor guy is dead today, and his wife's in jail for murder!
Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband...
'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!' she said.
'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!'
Happy and excited she was counting down the days to her birthday.
And on the day she finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought....
A blue coloured weighing machine...
The poor guy is dead today, and his wife's in jail for murder!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
It's not my fault if i fail :(, lol
Alright, i saw this online and thought it would be rather cool to post this here so more peeps can see it:
It's not the fault of student if
he/she fails because the year ONLY
has 365 days...
typical academic year for a student:
1. Sundays - 52 Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays - 50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.
Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep - 130 days GONE.
Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days.
Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing) - means 30 days.
Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal) - means 15 days.
Days left 81.
7. Exam days - per year at least 35 days.
Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, half yearly and festival (holidays) - 40 days.
Days left 6.
9. For sickness - at least 3 days.
Days left 3.
10. Movies and functions- at least 2 days.
1 day left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday.
How can you study on that day ?!?!?!?!?!
Balance = 0
' How can a student pass ?????'
*Please pass this on and you will have good luck for your
examinations through out your life studying =)
It's not the fault of student if
he/she fails because the year ONLY
has 365 days...
typical academic year for a student:
1. Sundays - 52 Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays - 50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.
Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep - 130 days GONE.
Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days.
Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing) - means 30 days.
Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal) - means 15 days.
Days left 81.
7. Exam days - per year at least 35 days.
Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, half yearly and festival (holidays) - 40 days.
Days left 6.
9. For sickness - at least 3 days.
Days left 3.
10. Movies and functions- at least 2 days.
1 day left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday.
How can you study on that day ?!?!?!?!?!
Balance = 0
' How can a student pass ?????'
*Please pass this on and you will have good luck for your
examinations through out your life studying =)
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
the question that guys fear :D
"Honey, do you think I'm fat?"
The question that's indeed a boyfriend's/husband's worst nightmare and here's a few ways to deal with it..
1) its ok dear, i still love you as much as before, if not even more
2) its ok darling, i love you for who you are, inside and on bed, not size and weight
3) its ok sweetie, like they say, age is not a problem, height is not a distance and weight is not a burden
4) its ok my love, i will eat as much if not even more, to match you
5) its ok creamy bun, my love for you made me blind and oblivous to anything exterial
6) yes you are, please allow me to leave you for somebody else. My freedom, your concern
or if you're feeling cruel..
"babe , remember what i told you at mac's ... a minute on your lips forever on your hips"
:)
The question that's indeed a boyfriend's/husband's worst nightmare and here's a few ways to deal with it..
1) its ok dear, i still love you as much as before, if not even more
2) its ok darling, i love you for who you are, inside and on bed, not size and weight
3) its ok sweetie, like they say, age is not a problem, height is not a distance and weight is not a burden
4) its ok my love, i will eat as much if not even more, to match you
5) its ok creamy bun, my love for you made me blind and oblivous to anything exterial
6) yes you are, please allow me to leave you for somebody else. My freedom, your concern
or if you're feeling cruel..
"babe , remember what i told you at mac's ... a minute on your lips forever on your hips"
:)
Sunday, August 10, 2008
10 reasons why women reject guys :D
You're the man -- you've finally worked up the nerve to ask out your potential Miss Right.
And there she is, right over there. It's now or never.
You take a step in her direction...
...and suddenly your pits are dripping like springtime in a rain forest, your heart is flip-flopping like a dying fish and your stomach is churning out enough acid to melt steel.
Chill, dude. You know you can't back down now.
You drag your feet to her side. From somewhere, you hear yourself asking those fateful words: "Would you like to go out sometime?"
"No."
What?
She said, "No."
You trudge away, eyes on the floor, praying that no one has witnessed your public humiliation.
Rejection sucks.
Unfortunately, despite all the shrill female demands in our society for "equal rights," the burden of asking for the date still sits squarely on the shoulders of the male. It still remains the guy's responsibility to risk getting his ego smashed if he wants to interact with the opposite sex.
And sexual rejection by a woman hurts -- it's almost impossible not to feel like a failure as a man when a woman turns you down for a date.
There can be a myriad of reasons, and not all of them have to be your fault (although some guys do tend to screw up in this department). Let's take a look at a few of them.
1- She's a bitch
Contemporary society is awash in rude, self-centered, man-hating Sex and the City clones who care only about themselves and have absolutely no conscience about men's feelings (or the feelings of other women, for that matter). Their attitude is: I have a million-dollar sexual price tag and any man is going to have to bow and scrape and pay dearly to gain access to it. These are the women who will try to emasculate you when you ask them out (if you don't have something they can sex-ploit), who get off on making men squirm, and who flagrantly abuse their sexual power.
2- You don't have the goods
Since money is the No. 1 consideration a woman weighs when choosing which men to date, if you don't have it or don't look like you have it, then you're just not going to be on the top of her list. Until we refuse to pay for female attention, women are going to keep getting away with this kind of sex-tortion.
3- She's taken
Since it's so easy for a woman to get sex (all she has to do is ask), she may simply be out of the market. She may have a lover, a steady boyfriend, or be married. If these women are nice, they'll be upfront about their situation; if they're professional ball-busters, they'll manipulate you without mercy. So it's always best to do your homework before laying your ego on the line -- this way you can save yourself a lot of humiliation and embarrassment.
4- She's a player
In other words, she's a serial flirter. A lot of married women or women with low self-esteem fall into this category -- they constantly need to be assured that they're still attractive to men, and so will ooze up to any guy who comes close just to get his reaction. They have no interest in dating you -- just in getting you turned on and then walking away. This is another flagrant abuse of female sexual power over men.
5- She's a psycho
A lot of women out there have chosen "bad boys" or have, for psychological reasons, been involved in disastrous relationships and now blame men for all the problems of their own making. Some of them have dropped out of the dating pool altogether or have been repeatedly abandoned by men because of their chaotic behavior. They will reject you just because you're one of "them".
6- You've got the wrong moves
If you "Hey, baby" her while snaking an unctuous arm around her shoulders, leer at her or keep calling her when she's clearly not interested, then you're just a creepy pest, and you'll have about as much chance of sleeping with her as a eunuch does.
7- Bad timing
If a woman turns you down, you may have run head-on into some bizarre phase of her monthly cycle in which all men are bad, or she's feeling unattractive, or any of a thousand other hormone-based reactions to the dating world. You could run into her a couple of days from now and get a complete green light.
8- She's been hurt
Any time you hear, "I'm taking a break from dating," or, "I need some time to get my life together," when you ask a woman out, it usually means that she's just come out of a bad relationship and is not yet interested in jumping into a new one. With this sort of damaged woman, it's best to aim for friendship or wait a while for her to straighten herself out before trying again.
9- You're a geek
In other words, you have no sexual confidence whatsoever and you melt like ice cream in July whenever she gets within 10 feet of you. You don't have to be James Bond, but if you can't even get a sentence out around her without stammering, then there's no way she's going to accept a date with you. You will be instantly relegated to "friend" status, if that.
10- She's just not attracted to you
Simple as that. It happens and there's nothing you can do about it. It's best to just pick up the pieces and move on.
So there you are -- a sampling of reasons why a woman will reject you. Some things you can change (your own behavior) and some you can't (hers). Even though it's very hard not to take it personally, the best advice is just to chalk it up to experience, learn from it and keep swinging for the fences.
__________________
And there she is, right over there. It's now or never.
You take a step in her direction...
...and suddenly your pits are dripping like springtime in a rain forest, your heart is flip-flopping like a dying fish and your stomach is churning out enough acid to melt steel.
Chill, dude. You know you can't back down now.
You drag your feet to her side. From somewhere, you hear yourself asking those fateful words: "Would you like to go out sometime?"
"No."
What?
She said, "No."
You trudge away, eyes on the floor, praying that no one has witnessed your public humiliation.
Rejection sucks.
Unfortunately, despite all the shrill female demands in our society for "equal rights," the burden of asking for the date still sits squarely on the shoulders of the male. It still remains the guy's responsibility to risk getting his ego smashed if he wants to interact with the opposite sex.
And sexual rejection by a woman hurts -- it's almost impossible not to feel like a failure as a man when a woman turns you down for a date.
There can be a myriad of reasons, and not all of them have to be your fault (although some guys do tend to screw up in this department). Let's take a look at a few of them.
1- She's a bitch
Contemporary society is awash in rude, self-centered, man-hating Sex and the City clones who care only about themselves and have absolutely no conscience about men's feelings (or the feelings of other women, for that matter). Their attitude is: I have a million-dollar sexual price tag and any man is going to have to bow and scrape and pay dearly to gain access to it. These are the women who will try to emasculate you when you ask them out (if you don't have something they can sex-ploit), who get off on making men squirm, and who flagrantly abuse their sexual power.
2- You don't have the goods
Since money is the No. 1 consideration a woman weighs when choosing which men to date, if you don't have it or don't look like you have it, then you're just not going to be on the top of her list. Until we refuse to pay for female attention, women are going to keep getting away with this kind of sex-tortion.
3- She's taken
Since it's so easy for a woman to get sex (all she has to do is ask), she may simply be out of the market. She may have a lover, a steady boyfriend, or be married. If these women are nice, they'll be upfront about their situation; if they're professional ball-busters, they'll manipulate you without mercy. So it's always best to do your homework before laying your ego on the line -- this way you can save yourself a lot of humiliation and embarrassment.
4- She's a player
In other words, she's a serial flirter. A lot of married women or women with low self-esteem fall into this category -- they constantly need to be assured that they're still attractive to men, and so will ooze up to any guy who comes close just to get his reaction. They have no interest in dating you -- just in getting you turned on and then walking away. This is another flagrant abuse of female sexual power over men.
5- She's a psycho
A lot of women out there have chosen "bad boys" or have, for psychological reasons, been involved in disastrous relationships and now blame men for all the problems of their own making. Some of them have dropped out of the dating pool altogether or have been repeatedly abandoned by men because of their chaotic behavior. They will reject you just because you're one of "them".
6- You've got the wrong moves
If you "Hey, baby" her while snaking an unctuous arm around her shoulders, leer at her or keep calling her when she's clearly not interested, then you're just a creepy pest, and you'll have about as much chance of sleeping with her as a eunuch does.
7- Bad timing
If a woman turns you down, you may have run head-on into some bizarre phase of her monthly cycle in which all men are bad, or she's feeling unattractive, or any of a thousand other hormone-based reactions to the dating world. You could run into her a couple of days from now and get a complete green light.
8- She's been hurt
Any time you hear, "I'm taking a break from dating," or, "I need some time to get my life together," when you ask a woman out, it usually means that she's just come out of a bad relationship and is not yet interested in jumping into a new one. With this sort of damaged woman, it's best to aim for friendship or wait a while for her to straighten herself out before trying again.
9- You're a geek
In other words, you have no sexual confidence whatsoever and you melt like ice cream in July whenever she gets within 10 feet of you. You don't have to be James Bond, but if you can't even get a sentence out around her without stammering, then there's no way she's going to accept a date with you. You will be instantly relegated to "friend" status, if that.
10- She's just not attracted to you
Simple as that. It happens and there's nothing you can do about it. It's best to just pick up the pieces and move on.
So there you are -- a sampling of reasons why a woman will reject you. Some things you can change (your own behavior) and some you can't (hers). Even though it's very hard not to take it personally, the best advice is just to chalk it up to experience, learn from it and keep swinging for the fences.
__________________
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
What Is A Selfish Lover?
*Warning: This post is raunchy by nature but does not contain obscenities and is by no means meant to be an absolute truth for everyone. All examples have been intentionally exaggerated but do contain within them themes of striving for sexual equality. Read at your own discretion. Do not read if the word 'sex' is seen as a bad word to you.
This is for the women.
LOVE THYSELF
WORDS BY LEVAN WEE
Selfish lovers are the worst kind of lovers. How many times have you slept with a man who only thinks about his own instant gratification? Here are ten telltale signs that your mate is nothing but dead weight in your bed.
1. THE ONLY THING THAT STARTS WITH O IS ‘OH, THAT’S ALL?’
Ladies, if you don’t know what The Big O is then chances are you’ve never experienced one at the hands of a man. Orgasms are the almighty climax to your sexual indulgences and any man who has never given you one should immediately be kicked out the house with his tail between his legs. If he’s more concerned with his own orgasm rather than spending time feeding your lovely beaver with the tender loving care it deserves, never ever sleep with him again.
2. IT AIN’T ABOUT THE SIZE, IT’S ABOUT THE MOTION IN THE OCEAN
Men like to boast about the size of their members as often as they like to lie and exaggerate. Truth be told, if he says he’s measures in at a gigantic nine inches, he’s slapping on an imaginary five just to impress you. But size is only relative to how well a man knows his in and outs and a lover who sucks at his thrust isn’t worth the lust.
3. CLEANLINESS IS GODLINESSS
If you’ve had the misfortune of sharing a bed with a man who doesn’t like taking a shower, you’re not just bedding him, you’re sleeping with ten million germs as well. Only a selfish man would expect his woman to contend with the stench of a long day’s work or worse, fishy smelling genitals (eew!) He’s only a sex god if he has good hygiene so ladies, please make sure your man cleans himself before you get dirty with him.
4. LUST THAT LASTS
You can fry an egg or take a dump in three minutes but you should never, ever make love for that short a time. If for some unfortunate reason your man can’t seem to keep his little soldiers from firing too early, get him to wear fifteen condoms or flick his happy puppy with your pinkie to calm him down before restarting his engines.
5. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO YOU
Is your man always insistent on doing naughty things you just don’t find kinky yet refuses to return the favour? What the hell is so fun about candle wax and whip cream anyway? You’re a woman, not a birthday cake! Demand respect for yourself by levelling the playing field. Good sex is all about giving and receiving and if he isn’t up to giving your exploration of kinkiness an equal try, tell him to ask his mother to suck his toes instead.
6. TEACHING AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS
The Kama Sutra is the best book ever written so ‘strongly encourage’ (i.e. force) your full-of-himself lover to read it if he thinks that sticking to the same old moves will get him places. Sex is like playing chess – repeat yourself too often and the game gets old and predictable. Mix things up a bit and always keep the sex sizzling with an adventurous variety of positions.
7. CHITTER-CHATTER AFTER THE SPLATTER
Sometimes girls just want to have fun and a good one-night-stand lover knows well enough to pack up and leave after the sex is done. A selfish lover, also known in this case as a man who can’t shut up, will start talking about his job, his life and other things you don’t give a damn about. When this happens, politely tell him that the only gap that should be opened is the one between your legs.
8. THE NOTION OF EMOTION
If you’re not one to freely jiggle your bits for any Tom, Harry and especially for Dick, then a secure and emotionally tight relationship is the best route for you. In relationships like these, a selfish lover would be one who basically doesn’t give a hoot who you are, how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking. He’s a bloke who wants to bang all day long and talk about nothing else but how awesome the sex was – which it really wasn’t. Avoid these unfeeling lovers at all costs!
9. VANITY FAIRNESS
Has your lover packed on the pounds simply because you “accept him for who he is, not how he looks”? He won’t shave that stupid moustache you hate because he thinks it makes him look manlier? Pfft, sorry but since when was unconditional love an excuse to become a self-absorbed moron? You aren’t being shallow in demanding that your lover tries his best to appeal to your physical tastes. If he doesn’t get the point, leave your leg hair unshaved and see how much he digs it.
10. TIME FOR A NICK
So you’re itching for some loving but your man’s always too preoccupied with doing his own things like surfing porn on the Internet (he says he’s doing research)? Relationships are made up of three equal portions; him-time, me-time and we-time. Unless he enjoys spending time with Hands Solo, he’d better start giving you some before you become a nun.
This is for the women.
LOVE THYSELF
WORDS BY LEVAN WEE
Selfish lovers are the worst kind of lovers. How many times have you slept with a man who only thinks about his own instant gratification? Here are ten telltale signs that your mate is nothing but dead weight in your bed.
1. THE ONLY THING THAT STARTS WITH O IS ‘OH, THAT’S ALL?’
Ladies, if you don’t know what The Big O is then chances are you’ve never experienced one at the hands of a man. Orgasms are the almighty climax to your sexual indulgences and any man who has never given you one should immediately be kicked out the house with his tail between his legs. If he’s more concerned with his own orgasm rather than spending time feeding your lovely beaver with the tender loving care it deserves, never ever sleep with him again.
2. IT AIN’T ABOUT THE SIZE, IT’S ABOUT THE MOTION IN THE OCEAN
Men like to boast about the size of their members as often as they like to lie and exaggerate. Truth be told, if he says he’s measures in at a gigantic nine inches, he’s slapping on an imaginary five just to impress you. But size is only relative to how well a man knows his in and outs and a lover who sucks at his thrust isn’t worth the lust.
3. CLEANLINESS IS GODLINESSS
If you’ve had the misfortune of sharing a bed with a man who doesn’t like taking a shower, you’re not just bedding him, you’re sleeping with ten million germs as well. Only a selfish man would expect his woman to contend with the stench of a long day’s work or worse, fishy smelling genitals (eew!) He’s only a sex god if he has good hygiene so ladies, please make sure your man cleans himself before you get dirty with him.
4. LUST THAT LASTS
You can fry an egg or take a dump in three minutes but you should never, ever make love for that short a time. If for some unfortunate reason your man can’t seem to keep his little soldiers from firing too early, get him to wear fifteen condoms or flick his happy puppy with your pinkie to calm him down before restarting his engines.
5. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO YOU
Is your man always insistent on doing naughty things you just don’t find kinky yet refuses to return the favour? What the hell is so fun about candle wax and whip cream anyway? You’re a woman, not a birthday cake! Demand respect for yourself by levelling the playing field. Good sex is all about giving and receiving and if he isn’t up to giving your exploration of kinkiness an equal try, tell him to ask his mother to suck his toes instead.
6. TEACHING AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS
The Kama Sutra is the best book ever written so ‘strongly encourage’ (i.e. force) your full-of-himself lover to read it if he thinks that sticking to the same old moves will get him places. Sex is like playing chess – repeat yourself too often and the game gets old and predictable. Mix things up a bit and always keep the sex sizzling with an adventurous variety of positions.
7. CHITTER-CHATTER AFTER THE SPLATTER
Sometimes girls just want to have fun and a good one-night-stand lover knows well enough to pack up and leave after the sex is done. A selfish lover, also known in this case as a man who can’t shut up, will start talking about his job, his life and other things you don’t give a damn about. When this happens, politely tell him that the only gap that should be opened is the one between your legs.
8. THE NOTION OF EMOTION
If you’re not one to freely jiggle your bits for any Tom, Harry and especially for Dick, then a secure and emotionally tight relationship is the best route for you. In relationships like these, a selfish lover would be one who basically doesn’t give a hoot who you are, how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking. He’s a bloke who wants to bang all day long and talk about nothing else but how awesome the sex was – which it really wasn’t. Avoid these unfeeling lovers at all costs!
9. VANITY FAIRNESS
Has your lover packed on the pounds simply because you “accept him for who he is, not how he looks”? He won’t shave that stupid moustache you hate because he thinks it makes him look manlier? Pfft, sorry but since when was unconditional love an excuse to become a self-absorbed moron? You aren’t being shallow in demanding that your lover tries his best to appeal to your physical tastes. If he doesn’t get the point, leave your leg hair unshaved and see how much he digs it.
10. TIME FOR A NICK
So you’re itching for some loving but your man’s always too preoccupied with doing his own things like surfing porn on the Internet (he says he’s doing research)? Relationships are made up of three equal portions; him-time, me-time and we-time. Unless he enjoys spending time with Hands Solo, he’d better start giving you some before you become a nun.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Life and How to Survive It
Life and How to Survive It
I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.
My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.
On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.
Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.
And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.
Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.
The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.
You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.
The good news is that they’re wrong.
The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.
I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.
You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.
Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.
So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.
Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.
I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.
After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.
Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.
That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.
If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.
What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.
Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.
What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.
Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.
The most important is this: do not work.
Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.
Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.
There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.
People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.
Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.
Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.
I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.
So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.
Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.
Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.
In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.
I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.
It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.
One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.
The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.
I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.
Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.
Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.
Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.
You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.
Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.
Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.
You’re going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there’s no life expectancy.
http://mrwangsaysso.blogspot.com/
I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.
My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.
On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.
Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.
And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.
Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.
The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.
You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.
The good news is that they’re wrong.
The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.
I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.
You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.
Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.
So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.
Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.
I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.
After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.
Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.
That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.
If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.
What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.
Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.
What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.
Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.
The most important is this: do not work.
Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.
Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.
There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.
People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.
Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.
Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.
I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.
So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.
Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.
Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.
In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.
I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.
It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.
One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.
The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.
I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.
Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.
Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.
Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.
You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.
Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.
Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.
You’re going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there’s no life expectancy.
http://mrwangsaysso.blogspot.com/
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