highs and lows with the love of my life: my stapler part 2

Ok so here is what happened
I drove her (the stapler) home.
And when we reached her place, I was like
"You're so cold towards me tonight. Is everything ok?"
and she was like
".... (click).....(click)...."

"Did I make you angry? Tell me what I can do to make you feel better"

I then proceeded to rape her with my lips and fingers.
When I kissed her cold hard skin, I felt a piercing pain
I started to bleed
But I assumed that, this was the bittersweet taste of true love.

My heart is so punctured.

Can somebody help me please?

staplers are a fickle bunch, ask for their hand in marriage and they'll run off to the nearest cool-looking mug!

however if you're talking about passionate love-making, only the shiny, hard but flexible body of a stapler can provide for such an unforgettable night of pure bliss and unbridled joy...but i guess it's alright, many people bleed too during their first night with the stapler.

it's nary a common thing to know but the trick is to find the sweet spot between the underside of it's phallic-like body, away from its teeth and its cold hard skin and go to town from there.

if it clicks unstoppably and excitedly, you know you're doing it right!
remember, be gentle and use much love

highs and lows with the love of my life: my stapler

Today I was sitting at my desk minding my own business when I suddenly turned to look at the stapler on my desk.

It was at that precise moment that life came into focus. While I was blurry eyed before, I was suddenly very in touch with my feelings.

And that hard, shiny object smiled at me.

It was then that I fell in love with the stapler on my desk.

I'm not talking about "Ah I love this stapler! It binds these pieces of paper together beautifully!"
I'm talking about hard, hot passionate romantic feelings for my stapler.

We laughed, we talked, we dance a little bit in the office as well and at the end of the day, I even ventured to ask for a kiss.

Have you guys ever fallen in love with your staplers too?

Yours,
Levan

On another day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is marriage? How can I Find it?"

His teacher answered, "There is a thriving forest in front. Walk forward without turning back, and chop down only one tree. If you find the tallest tree, then you have found marriage".

Plato walked forward, and before long, He returned with a tree. The tree was not bad, and it was not tall either. It was only an ordinary tree, not the best but just a good tree.

His teacher asked, "Why did you chop down such an ordinary tree?"

Plato answered, "Because of my previous experience. I had walked through the field, but returned with empty hands. This time, I saw this tree, and I felt that it was the first good tree that I saw, so I chopped it down and brought it back. I did not want to miss the opportunity."

His teacher then said, "And that is marriage. You see son Love is the most beautiful thing to happen to a person, its an opportunity but you don't realise its worth when you have it but only when its gone like the field of stalks. Marriage like the tree you chopped, it's a compromise; you pick the first best thing you see and learn to live a happy life with it."

how to form a sucky band, kudos to SOFT :)

-- The guitarist must have more pedals than a China bicycle factory. Jam studio lights must dim when he plugs them in

-- The singer must act like he is is playing an arena, with slogans like "let's make some noooooize!!!' or "wooohooo!!" and pumping his fists. Inside the jam studio

-- He must suddenly speak with an American accent on stage even though he was born in Bukit Batok. Must have on-mike verbal diarrhea between songs.

-- Must rehearse only when there is a gig coming up

-- At rehearsal, the drummer must only play at two volumes -- loud, and loud enough for the band in the next studio to jam along

-- You must spend more time talking about music over kopi or beer at the kopitiam outside the jam studio than you spend inside the studio, practising music

-- Must keep at least one guy who can't play, because he is the brudder/cousin/ah long of another member. Bonus points if you keep that guy around because he has a car/the most effects pedals/always pays for the studio/ has the "rawk god" look

I love this story… hope you all enjoy it too~

He met her at a party.

She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised.

They sat at a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home…. suddenly he asked the waiter. “would you please give me some salt? I’d like to put it in my coffee.”

Everybody stared at him, so strange!

His face turned red, but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.

She asked him curiously; why he had this hobby? He replied: “when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there”.

While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched. That was his true feelings, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can express his homesickness must be a man who loves his home, cares about home, has responsibility for his home. Then she too started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found out that he actually was the man who met all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!

Then the story was just like every beautiful love story , the princess married to the prince, then they lived a happy life… And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that’s the way he liked it. After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: “My dearest, please forgive me, forgive the lie of my life. This was the only lie I ever said to you—the salty coffee.

Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous that time, I actually wanted some sugar, but I said salt instead. It was too embarrasing for me to take back so I just went ahead.I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times but I was too afraid to do so as I had promised never to lie to you about anything…Now I’m dying, I’m afraid of nothing so I am telling you the truth: I don’t like salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. I have had to take the salty coffee for my whole life with you and never had to feel sorry for it because I did it for you. Having you with me is the biggest happiness in my entire life. If I could live a second time, I’d still want to know you and have you for my whole life,even if I if had to drink salty coffee again”.
Her tears made the letter totally wet.

One day someone asked her: what’s the taste of salty coffee? It’s sweet.

A story about love

This one is from Aristotle.. read this

One day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is love? How can I find it?" - His teacher answered, "There is a vast wheat field in front. Walk forward without turning back, and pick only one stalk. If you find the most magnificent stalk, then you have found love."

Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with empty hands, having picked nothing.

His teacher asked, "Why did you not pick any stalk?"

Plato answered, "Because I could only pick once, and yet I could not turn back. I did find the most magnificent stalk, but did not know if there were any better ones ahead, so I did not pick it. As I walked further, the stalks that I saw were not as good as the earlier one, so I did not pick any in the end.

His teacher then said, "And that is love."

The predicament of love.

Falling in love is taking the vikings. there may be fear and uncertainty before you board the ship.

its looks scary, its looks daunting, its looks whatever bad.

but once its starts to swing, you will never regret your decision to get in.

the ecstasy, the adrenalin, blood rush to the head, feeling your heart getting stab and squashed!

it could be a bad ride, or a fun and memorable one. its how you make of it.

Man are like banana on the trees.The best one are the longest one on the tree.Most women want to reach for the longest one because they are afraid of getting the shortest one below and feel sad.Instead , they sometimes take the banana from the ground that aren't as long as what they want , but easy. The banana at the top think something is wrong with them,when in reality they're stupid .They just have to wait for the right person to come along, the oner who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. Could that person be you?

Woman: you can't live with them, you can't life without them :s

If you kiss her,
you are not a gentleman
If you don't,
you are not a man

If you praise her,
she thinks you are lying
If you don't,
you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes,
you are a wimp
If you don't,
you are not understanding

If you visit her often,
she thinks you are boring
If you don't,
she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed,
she says you are a playboy
If you don't,
you are a dull boy

If you are jealous,
she says it's bad
If you don't,
she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance,
she says you didn't respect her
If you don't,
she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late,
she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late,
she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man,
you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman,
"oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you kiss her once in a while,
she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often,
she yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street,
you lack ethics
If you do,
she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

If you stare at another woman,
she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men,
she says that they are just admiring

If you talk,
she wants you to listen
If you listen,
she wants you to talk


In short:

So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful... ....GIRLS!

An interesting Mirc quote that i would like to share:



Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little ****s in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.

Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the ****ing skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little ****’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “****! ****!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “****! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! ****!.” By now, the kid is scared ****less and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.

Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m ****ING HIV POSITIVE.”

And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just ****ed up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my **** from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.

I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.

Social Psychology

Details changed for privacy purpose. Get out of the kitchen if you can't take the heat, i don't want to have to deal with people with low self-esteem. THANKS!




In this journal, I will be recounting how the “Self-fulfilling Prophecy” and “Recency” has influenced my perceptions of two classmates in two separate encounters respectively.
Self-fulfilling Prophecy suggests that preconceived ideas and expectations of a person influence the way we interact with him/her, and these “interactions” spark a conforming “counter-reaction” which results in events concluding according to preceding forecasts. This process could be of a positive or negative nature. Meanwhile, the Recency effect occurs when an assessment of a person is swayed by a prevailing event, and precipitates in a prejudiced judgment.

Despite having only spent an infinitesimal amount of time within class T108, cliques have nevertheless developed and enmity fashioned. Sophie, a girl from my class, unfortunately, became ostracized for her unconventional behavior.

She was overtly condemned for her “loud” print shirts and mannerism, which I confess, irked me on several occasions. I perceived her to be a weird girl who simply tried too hard to fit in. Although she possessed pleasant facial features, this was obscured by her drab pastel-colored shoes and mismatched ensembles that screamed “Bin Lady”. It certainly did not help when she voraciously proclaimed in a self-introduction that her goal in life was to obtain a “beer belly”. Consequently, she became a barely tolerated presence that no one wanted to be associated with unnecessarily. Her boisterous ways of “back slaps” in place of conventional greetings did nothing to ingratiate her to the class either. As a result, I came to perceive Sophie as a crass and obtuse lady.

Perceiving her to be nothing more then a loud nuisance with dim-witted views, I treated her disdainfully throughout our interactions. Her greetings were met with cold indifference and hostile glares. On many occasions, during group work in tutorials such as contemporary issues, I shunned her opinions and expressed contempt for her ideas. The fact that her ideas were bizarre only affirmed my belief that she was quite literally the empty vessel that was capable of emitting the loudest noises. On her part, bewildered by such open hostility, she reacted with physical violence. It seemed apparent to me that Sophie’s behavior was crude, unrefined and unintelligent. This coincided with my prior predictions, and Self-fulfilling Prophecy took place.
However, it turned out that open-minded interaction was the key to shattering all the misconceptions I had of her. During a make-up Radio Production tutorial, in which I was coerced by circumstance into pairing up with her, I discovered that Sophie was in actual fact an exceedingly hardworking girl with an extraordinary streak of creativity. However, all these had become buried beneath the onslaught of negative remarks and gestures. She professes an absolute lack of fashion sense and intimates that growing up with a twin brother has made her an eccentric girl to say the least. Most astonishing, was the startling revelation that she possessed a docile nature, and was misconstrued as “loud” because she was going out of her way to make more friends in Polytechnic.

Meanwhile, having experienced Orientation camp in the faction “Super Ugly” together with Isabel, I observed her to be a reserved girl. Her minimal participation in the camp activities convinced me that she preferred being alone. However, during our class excursion to Sakae Sushi, Isabel was animated, vivacious and kept the conversation flowing with her jokes. That, coupled with her propensity to break out in song and dance in the middle of the streets, revealed that she was a self-confident and bubbly girl, who could not care less about how others might perceive her.

Due to this occurrence, I consequently modified my behavior towards her from the “Leave her Alone” mentality I previously possessed. Instead, I took more initiative in communicating with her, and invited her along for other outings. In this way, the Recency effect altered my subsequent interactions with her because I recalled the other side there was to Isabel.
Such false impressions would not have developed had I steered clear of making premature and one-cue conclusions. Instead, Perceptual Checking, which proposes that one should reflect on a message to derive other possible inflections and meanings, and then seek further clarifications, should have been applied. Had I utilized perceptual checking, I would have engaged more proactive means to gather a variety of cues before forming an impression. This would have eliminated unnecessary distress in the relationship on both my part and on the other party.
In Sophie’s case, I could have made known the fact that I was repelled by the violence she exhibited, and offer several interpretations such as “Perhaps that is your method of expressing friendliness” and “Does your violence indicate your dislike for me”. Ultimately, I should have brought up the myriad possible explanations for her behavior, and then requested for clarification. In this way, I would not have made the inaccurate perception that she was a “crude boar”.

Perception and communication are indubitably inter-linked. Perception involves assigning qualities to people, and this process is both subconscious and biased. Conversely, communication consists of both verbal and non-verbal speech, and is influenced by perception. This case in point is illustrated when a person who judges another to possess pleasant attributes goes on to communicate with said person in a positive manner and vice-versa. Because it is so easy to be deceived by false perceptions, we must exercise caution not to make snap-judgments without first understanding a person via effective communication.

Treasure the girl you like before it's too late

Found this great story and would like to share with you guys...been sometimes since I last posted, hope everyone loves it! :)




Message: Peter and Tina are sitting in the park doing nothing, but just gazing into the sky, while all their friends are having fun with their beloved half.
Tina: I'm so bored. Just wish I have a boyfriend now to spend time with.
Peter: I guess we're the only leftovers. We're the only person who isn't with a date now.
(both sigh n silence for a while)
Tina: I think I have a good idea. Lets play a game
Peter: Eh? What game?
Tina: Eem..It's quite simple. You be my boyfriend for 100 days and I'll be your girlfriend for 100 days. what do you think?
Peter: Oookay..Anyway I don't have any plan for the next few months.
Tina: You sound like you aren't looking forward to it at all. Cheer up. Today will be our first day and our first date. Where should we go?
Peter: What about a movie? I heard that there is a really great movie in theater now.
Tina: Seems like I don't have any better idea than this. Lets move. (went to watch their movies and sent each other home)

Day 2:
Peter and Tina went to a concert together, and Peter bought Tina a keychain with a star.

Day 3:
They went shopping together for a friend's birthday present. Share an ice-cream together and hugged each other for the first time.

Day 7:

Peter drove Tina up onto a mountain and they watch the sunset together. When the night came and the moon glowed, they said sat on the grass gazing at the stars together. A meteor passed by. Tina mumbled something.

Day 25:
Spend time at a themepark and got onto rollercoasters, and ate hotdogs and cotton candy. Peter and Tina got in the haunted house and Tina grabbed someone's hand instead of Peter's hand by accident. They laughed together
for a while.

Day 67:
They drove pass a circus and decided to get in to watch the show. The midget asked Tina to play a part as his assistant in the magic show. Went around to see other entertainments around after the show. Came to a fortune teller and she just said "Treasure every moment from now on" and a tear rolled down the fortune teller's cheek.

Day 84:
Tina suggested that they go to the beach. The beach wasn't so crowded that day. They have their first kiss with each other just as the sun is setting.

Day 99:
They decided to have a simple day and is deciding to have a walk around the city. They sits down onto a bench.

1:23 pm
Tina: I'm thirsty. Lets rest for a while first.
Peter: Wait here while I go buy some drinks. What would you like?
Tina: Eem...Apple juice will be just fine.


1:43 pm
Tina waiting for about 20 minutes and Peter havent return. Then someone walked up to her.
Stranger: Is your name Tina?
Tina: Yes, and may I help you?
Stranger: Just now down there on the street a drunk driver has crashed into a guy. I think its your friend.
Tina ran over to the spot with the stranger and sees Peter lying on the floor with blood over his face and her apple juice still in his hands. The ambulance came and she went to the hospital with Peter. Tina sat outside the emergency room for five and a half hours. The doctor came out, and he sigh.

11:51 pm
Doctor: I'm sorry, but we did the best we could. He is still breathing now but God would take him away from us very soon. We found this letter inside his pocket.

The doctor hands over the letter to Tina and she goes into the room to see Peter. He look weak but peaceful. Tina read the letter and then she burst into tears. Here is what the letter said.

Tina,
Our 100 days is almost over. I had fun with you during all these days. Although you may be greedy sometimes and less thoughtful, but these all brought happiness into my life. I have realize that you are a really cute girl and blamed myself for never taken the time to knowing that. I have nothing much to ask for, but I just wish that we can extend the day. I want to be your boyfriend forever and wish that you can be beside me all the time. Tina, I love you.

11:58
Tina: (sobbing) Peter. Did you know what was the wish I made on the night there was a meteor. I asked God to let us last forever. We were suppose to last 100 days so Peter! You can't leave me! I LOVE YOU, but can you come back to
me now? I love you Peter. I LOVE YOU.

As the clock struck twelve, Peter's heart stopped beating. It was 100 days.
NOTE*
Tell the boi or ger that you love them before
its too late. You never know whats going to
happen tomorrow. You never know who will be
leaving you and never return

As we move into the realm of tertiary education, the way of study starts to differs from that of secondary schools. Today, i would like to talk about the importance of Group work, and in lieu
of those upcoming and hateful projects ):, give you guys some insight as to how to cooperate and make decisions. (note: technical jargon up ahead, if you think you're really cmi, don't go on thx :smiles:)

As in all group discussions, there would be conflict, which results in clashes of ideas or mindsets. There are a few views that people hold to regarding conflict. Firstly, the traditional view feels that conflict should be avoided. On the other hand, the human relations view of conflict feels that conflict is a natural and unavoidable part of any group. It need not be detrimental to the entire discussion but could also provide a point for the group to progress. Finally, there’s the integrationist view of conflict that states that conflict is necessary for a group to be effective. This does not mean that all conflicts are good, on the contrary there’s functional conflicts (beneficial) and dysfunctional conflict (detrimental). Both types of conflicts are influenced by task conflict (problems adhering to the objectives of work), relationship conflict (problems centering on the people to people level) and process conflict (problems referring to the way a job is done).

The strange thing about communication is the power that a listener wields. To quote from an article: "A song isn't good unless the listener says it is good; audiences determine music's success. However, it is equally true that we aren't serious listeners until we have educated our ears. If we don't critically train our listening tastes, we could be a mindless consumer of whatever the music industry pushes our way with big ad budgets and slick promotions."

In a similar vein, being a good listener actually counts in businesses. Studies show that upto 73% of business leaders rated listening as a "very important" skill. Recent studies also show that listening is among the top five characteristics that an employer expects of the employee. Naturally, listening in the business environment as a misunderstanding could cost millions of dollars and the lost of one's career. The importance of feedback forms and surveys also underlines the relevance of listening; understanding the customers' concerns and solving the problem(i.e. listening to the customer), would make the product better and up the company's status quo.

So, essentially, what makes a good listener? Firstly, establishing eye contact, let the speaker know you are devoting your entire concentration on him. A good listener should not only be alert to a speaker's verbal communication but also their body language. One should also be patient and allow him to finish before voicing one's opinion, that is basic courtesy. Moreover, a good listener is also responsive, questions should be put forward in a gentle manner, other than that, verbal communication(like a simple "yeah" or "hmm") and simple body language(nodding of the head), could also show that you are in fact paying full attention to the speaker. One should also work to provide constructive criticism and view the topic from the speaker's point of view. Above all, one should keep an open mindset and take the other person's views with a pinch of salt.

Remember, being a good listener is a life-skill, one does not live in a world that orbits around you.

7 Reasons the 21st Century is Making You Miserable

by:David Wong

Scientists call it the Naked Photo Test, and it works like this: say a photo turns up of you nakedly doing something that would shame you and your family for generations. Bestiality, perhaps. Ask yourself how many people in your life you would trust with that photo. If you're like the rest of us, you probably have at most two.

Even more depressing, studies show that about one out of four people have no one they can confide in.

The Sad Bear 1, by Nedroid

The average number of close friends we say we have is dropping fast, down dramatically in just the last 20 years. Why?

#1. We don't have enough annoying strangers in our lives.

That's not sarcasm. Annoyance is something you build up a tolerance to, like alcohol or a bad smell. The more we're able to edit the annoyance out of our lives, the less we're able to handle it.

The problem is we've built an awesome, sprawling web of technology meant purely to let us avoid annoying people. Do all your Christmas shopping online and avoid the fat lady ramming her cart into you at Target. Spend $5,000 on a home theater system so you can see movies on a big screen without a toddler kicking the back of your seat. Hell, rent the DVD's from Netflix and you don't even have to spend the 30 seconds with the confused kid working the register at Blockbuster.

Get stuck in the waiting room at the doctor? No way we're striking up a conversation with the smelly old man in the next seat. We'll plug the iPod into our ears and have a text conversation with a friend or play our DS. Filter that annoyance right out of our world.

From outofbalance.org

Now that would be awesome if it were actually possible to keep all of the irritating shit out of your life. But, it's not. It never will be. As long as you have needs, you'll have to deal with people you can't stand from time to time. We're losing that skill, the one that lets us deal with strangers and tolerate their shrill voices and clunky senses of humor and body odor and squeaky shoes. So, what encounters you do have with the outside world, the world you can't control, make you want to go on a screaming crotch-punching spree.

Oh, yeah. Right in the crotch, buddy.

#2. We don't have enough annoying friends, either.

Lots of us were born into towns full of people we couldn't stand. As a kid, maybe you found yourself in an elementary school classroom, packed in with two dozen kids you did not choose and who shared none of your tastes or interests. Maybe you got beat up a lot.

But, you've grown up. And if you're, say, a huge DragonForce fan, you can go find their forum and meet a dozen people just like you. Or even better, start a private room with your favorite few and lock everybody else out. Say goodbye to the tedious, awkward, painful process of dealing with somebody who's truly different. That's another Old World inconvenience, like having to wash your clothes in a creek or wait for a raccoon to wander by the outhouse so you can wipe your ass with it.

The problem is that peacefully dealing with incompatible people is crucial to living in a society. In fact, if you think about it, peacefully dealing with people you can't stand is society. Just people with opposite tastes and conflicting personalities sharing space and cooperating, often through gritted teeth.

Fifty years ago, you had to sit in a crowded room to see a movie. You didn't get to choose; you either did that or you missed the movie. When you got a new car, everyone on the block came and stood in your yard to look it over. You can bet that some of those people were assholes.

Your parents, circa 1982

Yet, on the whole, people back then were apparently happier in their jobs and more satisfied with their lives. And get this: They had more friends.

That's right. Even though they had almost no ability to filter their peers according to common interests (hell, often you were just friends with the guy who happened to live next door), they still came up with more close friends than we have now-people they could trust.

It turns out, apparently, that after you get over that first irritation, after you shed your shell of "they listen to different music because they wouldn't understand mine" superiority, there's a sort of comfort in needing other people and being needed on a level beyond common interests. It turns out humans are social animals after all. And that ability to suffer fools, to tolerate annoyance, that's literally the one single thing that allows you to function in a world populated by other people who aren't you. Otherwise, you turn emo. Science has proven it.

#3. Texting is a shitty way to communicate.

I have this friend who uses the expression "No, thank you," in a sarcastic way. It means, "I'd rather be shot in the face." He puts a little ironic lilt on the last two words that lets you know. You ask, "Want to go see that new Rob Schneider movie?" And, he'll say, "No, thank you."

So one day we had this exchange via text:

Me: "Hey, do you want me to bring over that leftover chili I made?"

Him: "No, thank you"

That pissed me off. I'm proud of my chili. It takes four days to make it. I grind up the dried peppers myself; the meat is expensive, hand-tortured veal. And, now my offer to give him some is dismissed with his bitchy catchphrase?

I didn't speak to him for six months. He sent me a letter, I mailed it back, unread, with a dead rat packed inside.

It was my wife who finally ran into him and realized that the "No, thank you" he replied with was not meant to be sarcastic, but was a literal, "No, but thank you for offering." He had no room in his freezer, it turns out.

The Sad Bear #2, by Nedroid

So did we really need a study to tell us that more than 40 percent of what you say in an e-mail is misunderstood? Well, they did one anyway.

How many of your friends have you only spoken with online? If 40 percent of your personality has gotten lost in the text transition, do these people even really know you? The people who dislike you via text, on message boards or chatrooms or whatever, is it because you're really incompatible? Or, is it because of the misunderstood 40 percent? And, what about the ones who like you?

Many of us try to make up that difference in sheer numbers, piling up six dozen friends on MySpace. But here's the problem ...

#4. Online company only makes us lonelier.

When someone speaks to you face-to-face, what percentage of the meaning is actually in the words, as opposed to the body language and tone of voice? Take a guess.

It's 7 percent. The other 93 percent is nonverbal, according to studies. No, I don't know how they arrived at that exact number. They have a machine or something. But we didn't need it. I mean, come on. Most of our humor is sarcasm, and sarcasm is just mismatching the words with the tone. Like my friend's "No, thank you."

You don't wait for a girl to verbally tell you she likes you. It's the sparkle in her eyes, her posture, the way she grabs your head and shoves your face into her boobs.

That's the crux of the problem. That human ability to absorb the moods of others through that kind of subconscious osmosis is crucial. Kids born without it are considered mentally handicapped. People who have lots of it are called "charismatic" and become movie stars and politicians. It's not what they say; it's this energy they put off that makes us feel good about ourselves.

When we're living in Text World, all that is stripped away. There's a weird side effect to it, too: absent a sense of the other person's mood, every line we read gets filtered through our own mood instead. The reason I read my friend's chili message as sarcastic was because I was in an irritable mood. In that state of mind, I was eager to be offended.

And worse, if I do enough of my communicating this way, my mood never changes. After all, people keep saying nasty things to me! Of course I'm depressed! It's me against the world!

No, what I need is somebody to shake me by the shoulders and snap me out of it. Which leads us to No. 5 ...

#5. We don't get criticized enough.

Most of what sucks about not having close friends isn't the missed birthday parties or the sad, single-player games of ping pong with the wall. No, what sucks is the lack of real criticism.

In my time online I've been called "fag" approximately 104,165 times. I keep an Excel spreadsheet. I've also been called "asshole" and "cockweasel" and "fuckcamel" and "cuntwaffle" and "shitglutton" and "porksword" and "wangbasket" and "shitwhistle" and "thundercunt" and "fartminge" and "shitflannel" and "knobgoblin" and "boring."

And none of it mattered, because none of those people knew me well enough to really hit the target. I've been insulted lots, but I've been criticized very little. And don't ever confuse the two. An insult is just someone who hates you making a noise to indicate their hatred. A barking dog. Criticism is someone trying to help you, by telling you something about yourself that you were a little too comfortable not knowing.

Above: A flamboyant transvestite with about
five times as many friends as the average person

Tragically, there are now a whole lot of people who never have those conversations. The interventions, the brutal honesty, the, "you know, everybody's pissed off because of what you said last night, but nobody wants to say anything because they're afraid of you," sort of conversations. Those horrible, awkward, wrenchingly uncomfortable sessions that you can only have with someone who sees right to the center of you.

E-mail and texting are awesome tools for avoiding that level of honesty. With text, you can respond when you feel like it. You can measure your words. You can pick and choose which questions to answer. The person on the other end can't see your face, can't see you get nervous, can't detect when you're lying. You have almost total control and as a result that other person never sees past your armor, never sees you at your worst, never knows the embarrassing little things about yourself that you can't control. Gone are the common quirks, humiliations and vulnerabilities that real friendships are built on.

Browse around people's MySpace pages, look at the characters they create for themselves. If you've built a pool of friends via a blog, building yourself up as a misunderstood, mysterious Master of the Night, it's kind of hard to log on and talk about how you went to prom and got diarrhea out on the dance floor. You never get to really be yourself, and that's a very lonely feeling.

And, on top of all that ...

#6. We're victims of the Outrage Machine.

A whole lot of the people still reading this are saying, "Of course I'm depressed! People are starving! America has turned into Nazi Germany! My parents watch retarded television shows and talk about them for hours afterward! People are dying in meaningless wars all over the world!"

But how did we wind up with a more negative view of the world than our parents? Or grandparents? Back then, people didn't live as long and babies died more often. Diseases were more common. In those days, if your buddy moved away the only way to communicate was with pen and paper and a stamp. We have Iraq, but our parents had Vietnam (which killed 50 times more people) and their parents had World War 2 (which killed 1,000 times as many). Some of your grandparents grew up at a time when nobody had air conditioning. All of their parents grew up without it.

We are physically better off today in every possible way in which such things can be measured ... but you sure as hell wouldn't know that if you're getting your news online. Why?

Well, ask yourself: If some music site posts an article called, "Fall Out Boy is a Fine Band" and on the same day posts another one called, "Fall Out Boy is the Shittiest Fucking Band of the Last 100 Years, Say Experts," which do you think will get the most traffic? The second one wins in a blowout. Outrage manufactures word-of-mouth.

The news blogs many of you read? The people running them know the same thing. Every site is in a dogfight for traffic (even if they don't run ads, they still measure their success by the size of their audience) and so they carefully pick through the wires for the most inflammatory story possible. The other blogs start echoing the same story from the same point of view. If you want, you can surf all day and never swim out of the warm, stagnant waters of the "aren't those bastards evil" pool.

Actually, if you count the guy holding the camera, this man
statistically has more friends than most of us do.

Only in that climate could those silly 9/11 conspiracy theories come about (saying the Bush administration and the FDNY blew up the towers, and that the planes were holograms). To hear these people talk, every opposing politician is Hitler, and every election is the freaking apocalypse. All because it keeps you reading.

9/11 photos. Circled: Conspiracy

This wasn't as much a problem in the old days, of course. Some of us remember having only three channels on TV. That's right. Three. We're talking about the '80s here. So there was something unifying in the way we all sat down to watch the same news, all of it coming from the same point of view. Even if the point of view was retarded and wrong, even if some stories went criminally unreported, we at least all shared it.

That's over. There effectively is no "mass media" any more so, where before we disagreed because we saw the same news and interpreted it differently, now we disagree because we're seeing completely different freaking news. When we can't even agree on the basic facts, the differences become irreconcilable. That constant feeling of being at bitter odds with the rest of the world brings with it a tension that just builds and builds.

We humans used to have lots of natural ways to release that kind of angst. But these days...

#7. We feel worthless, because we actually are worth less.

There's one advantage to having mostly online friends, and it's one that nobody ever talks about:

They demand less from you.

Sure, you emotionally support them, comfort them after a breakup, maybe even talk them out of a suicide. But knowing someone in meatspace adds a whole, long list of annoying demands. Wasting your whole afternoon helping them fix their computer. Going to funerals with them. Toting them around in your car every day after theirs gets repossessed by the bank. Having them show up unannounced when you were just settling in to watch the Dirty Jobs marathon on the Discovery channel, then mentioning how hungry they are until you finally give them half your sandwich.

You have so much more control in Instant Messenger, or on a forum, or in World of Warcraft.

The problem is you are hard-wired by evolution to need to do things for people. Everybody for the last five thousand years seemed to realize this and then we suddenly forgot it in the last few decades. We get suicidal teens and scramble to teach them self-esteem. Well, unfortunately, self-esteem and the ability to like yourself only come after you've done something that makes you likable. You can't bullshit yourself. If I think Todd over here is worthless for sitting in his room all day, drinking Pabst and playing video games one-handed because he's masturbating with the other one, what will I think of myself if I do the same thing?

The Sad Bear #3, by Nedroid

You want to break out of that black tar pit of self-hatred? Brush the black hair out of your eyes, step away from the computer and buy a nice gift for someone you loathe. Send a card to your worst enemy. Make dinner for your mom and dad. Or just do something simple, with an tangible result. Go clean the leaves out of the gutter. Grow a damn plant.

It ain't rocket science; you are a social animal and thus you are born with little happiness hormones that are released into your bloodstream when you see a physical benefit to your actions. Think about all those teenagers in their dark rooms, glued to their PC's, turning every life problem into ridiculous melodrama. Why do they make those cuts on their arms? It's because making the pain-and subsequent healing-tangible releases endorphins they don't get otherwise. It's pain, but at least it's real.

That form of stress relief via mild discomfort used to be part of our daily lives, via our routine of hunting gazelles and gathering berries and climbing rocks and fighting bears. No more. This is why office jobs make so many of us miserable; we don't get any physical, tangible result from our work. But do construction out in the hot sun for two months, and for the rest of your life you can drive past a certain house and say, "Holy shit, I built that." Maybe that's why mass shootings are more common in offices than construction sites.

It's the kind of physical, dirt-under-your-nails satisfaction that you can only get by turning off the computer, going outdoors and re-connecting with the real world. That feeling, that "I built that" or "I grew that" or "I fed that guy" or "I made these pants" feeling, can't be matched by anything the internet has to offer.

Except, you know, this website.

it's time for a paradigm shift :)

It's easy to attribute our circumstance for uncontrollable factors that we have little say in them - like you must be hideous, thus the situation. Because if you are good looking, then you won't have such plight.

Then you stopped there - thinking that it must be true and believe in that notion. A complete stop. No movement. No nothing. Just acceptance and halt.

All heart, body, mind and soul will behave according to your mindset - therefore thinking that you are a failure in love, your mindset will reverberate an aura to the universe and it beget back the same response - you will then shape a destiny of a failure in love (or in any social settings) and it transform and become a reality for you.

If you think that to win in love is to have looks, you are probably flipping the wrong text.

Let me revert you a truth - most guys ain't good looking. In fact, in the looks aspect, most are just hovering around the average benchmark.

But there are many pretty ladies - I have always believed that for every 10 chicks around, there's probably only one good looking lad.

That's exactly how nature functions - in conventional school of thoughts: the feminine energy will exhibit a pull influence (passive), while the masculine energy will bring forth a push influence (active). An analogy I always use - flower and the bee.

A flower waits, but it doesn't sit and idle - it uses all subtle attractive powers (its scent, the colours, beauty, etc) to draw the bee towards it. A bee doesn't need to have the same quality, because the bee initiates, it doesn't attract.

the quandry of the Square Root of 3

Recently, i've just watched Harold and Kumar 2: Escape from Guantanamo Bay, it's really an awesome movie, incredibly funny. And there's this poem in the movie, "The Square Root of Three", one of the most clever poem i've ever heard...Written by David Feinberg, i found it really touching and would love to share it with you guys...enjoy:

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued

Your love for me has been renewed

The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life

All ladies please take note:

The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes."

The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."

The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?"

The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"

The Interior Designer - who tells her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"

The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose
interest!"

The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"

十个男人九个坏

还有一个想做怪

十个男人九个嫖

还有一个在治疗

十个女人九个坏

剩下一个不值爱

十个女人九个贱

还有一个只爱钱

nowadays, childrens' storybooks need a R21 rating :s22: (partII)

2 more:

nowadays, childrens' storybooks need a R21 rating :s22:

This book can actually be found at the Children's section in the library! (don't ask me for the title of it though, heehee!)

when you know you are really THAT BORED~

things to do in an elevator

---

~When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. ~Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. ~Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. ~Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on. ~Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?" ~Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "that's mine!" ~Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator ~Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment. ~Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play. ~Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they hear something ticking. ~Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. ~Ask, "Did you feel that?" ~Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. ~When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again." ~Swat at flies that don't exist. ~Tell people that you can see their aura ~Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it. ~Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!" ~Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?" ~Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. ~Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly. ~Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. ~Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope. ~Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. ~Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on." ~Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space!" ~Fart loudly then exclaim "Was that you. There's no way I could do that one because unfortately mine don't come out loud." ~Before the elevator door opens shout "DING" and then laugh and say "beat you again Mr Elevator." ~Hire a labrador, wear sunglasses and repeatedly walk into the walls whilst pretending to not hear the other passenger's direction

GouGou's question to single guys --(take it with a pinch of salt ) (:

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right person to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. Could that person be you ?

picture for thought :) -->

in lieu of the masturbation article, here's something to think about :)