from Rui, to my Paramour..

I picked up my cellphone and scrolled to your contact, after a few seconds of fumbling I dialed your number. The generic dial tone blared in my speakers, but I took no notice, as all that I can think of was what to say to you; was the hope that I could hear your voice over the phone.

Me:Hello, morning!

You: Hey, hi. *you sounded bored and bothered like one would be when speaking to your algebra teacher that you love to hate*

Me: So, how's it going?

You:Oh, just fine. You know what, I'm feeling abit sleepy...

Me:Ah, ok, maybe I will call...

and the fucking line went dead.

...back later?

So you left me crestfallen and my emotions were tinged with a tad of disappointment. Why oh why did I, in the love of all that's holy, pick up my fucking phone and called you? Have you ever thought about it? But I guess, it was all about you isn't it? "You, yourself and no one else", as someone nicely put it.

I used to think that both of us had a connection, a chemistry between us that differentiates friends from mates. Oh, hell, I had been so blind, because the signs were right in front of me and I failed to see it. It's true, I enjoy those moments we spent together. It's true, I love the way my lips touch yours, its like the first swallow of wine when you've just crossed the desert. But, those one-liners you gave, those vibes you gave, and those acts of nonchalance... It made my heart bleed inside.

At first, I tried to think of reasons to explain your behavior. "Hey, everyone has their down days." or "I'm sure it's just a passing phase." or "She'll be fine soon." And as time goes by, I finally realized... meh, those reasons are kaput, you act that way because you want to, or maybe it's because of me? But since I'm such an egoistic, self-serving prick, i think it's the former :).

Well, I hope that one day, things will be fine and maybe you'll stick around to experience the better side of me, but then again, hope is the denial of reality...The dereliction of cherished ideals and I feel like a wilted cabbage!

Voltaire once said that, "Anything too stupid is sung." So here's an excerpt from a song for you: Now that Ive lost everything to you, You say you want to start something new, And its breaking my heart you're leaving, Baby I'm grieving. And if you wanna leave take good care, Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear, But A lot of nice things turn bad out there. Oh baby, baby, its a wild world, Its hard to get by just upon a smile. And it's breaking my heart in two cause I never want to see you sad girl.

However, I guess, the success of our relationship was irrelevant...Sure, we could have stuck together through the difficult and tumultuous times, and in the end, get what both of us wanted. But, that would have been predictable. This way, it's poetry!